“Chocolate Smack” Motherlode Hits the Streets
German police reported today that a truck containing five metric tons of Nutella has been stolen from a parking lot in the town of Bad Hersfeld in the central part of the country. The load is reportedly worth some $21,000 U.S., but that of course is its bulk value. Once the addictive cargo is portioned out for sale in hits of a few grams each, its street value will be inestimably higher. No doubt pale, trembling junkies in slums all over Europe are already lining up for their chance at a cheap, quick ride on the cocoa-hazelnut horse.
We here at joepastry.com believe in pragmatic solutions to these sorts of broad-based societal ills. Which is why this morning we’re pleading with any chocolate paste users out there who might be listening to please, put your own safety first. If you must indulge your addiction, do it out of the presscake dens and off the street corners. With a little equipment and some know-how you can learn to make your own at home. Yes, mainlining homemade Nutella may be sad and ugly, but at least it’s safe, and hopefully a first step toward getting the help you need.
No doubt our stance on this issue will be controversial. However we simply do not believe that “just saying no” is a realistic solution. Anyway, it’s better than smoking banana peels.
HA….who knew chocolate could be so law-breaking an addiction??
…or… since you can still get your Nutella fix from the grocery store, try this unique variation made with walnuts and white chocolate: http://www.seriouseats.com/recipes/2013/03/white-chocolate-and-walnut-butter-recipe.html
Mind you, I haven’t gotten around to trying it myself but I stuck it in my recipe database when I ran across it because it sounds so different and so good.
Hm.. interesting. Would this qualify as a sort of dark chocolate methadone?
– J
Hahahaha! That made my day! 😀
Wow, someone must really like Nutella! I didn’t realize it was so valuable in Europe!
There’s a vicious black market for it, I understand.
– Joe
ahahahaha! I loved this. You are so funny.
Perhaps is a giant international mob! Recently there was a huge maple syrup heist in Canada: http://hereandnow.wbur.org/2013/01/11/maple-syrup-heist
In the follow- up to your recipe you mentioned that you would increase the oil. What about using simple sugar syrup — or corn syrup or invert sugar — instead of powdered sugar and more oil?
Interesting idea. In theory it should work!
Let me know if you try it, please.
– Joe